Tag Archives: thong

Live Life Like Your Favorite Panties.

I’m one of those people – at the worst possible moment I’m going to be the one that can’t help herself and will burst out laughing.   It won’t be one of those dainty Miss Manner’s kind of laugh either.  We’re talking full on cackle call, tear fueling and breath gasping type of laughter that leads to getting your self into trouble with the nearest authority figure.

I was always in trouble in school for talking….laughing.  Detentions and study halls.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It……was…..funny!

The worse time, was always church for me.  I grew up Catholic.  I know.  Say no more.  The whole seriousness of the visit got me.  Perhaps it was the lecture we got before even going into the church got me going.  Yes, see I went to a Catholic school, so by default we had regular church services.  Before we even left the classroom and right before we entered the church we’d get the same lecture by the Sister.

“DO NOT embarrass me!”

Anyone that says to me, “DO NOT __________”  Well, that’s not so much an ultimatum as it is a challenge in my book.  I get it and I respect it but my goodness.

I

can’t

help

myself.

Lighten up a bit.  Something would just catch in my crawl and next thing I know I wouldn’t be able to contain myself.  I’d have myself and those either unlucky or lucky enough around me in fits.

No.  My mouth is NOT big enough to stuff my fist inside.  I’ve tried on numerous occasions to stifle the giggles.  Oy.  Once I start I can’t stop.  It’s terrible.

So today when a friend called me and mentioned about a meeting she had to go through at work I suggested she wear these goofy eye glasses I bought her for Christmas.  Everyone needs a lighter moment or two in life.  She thought I was nuts.  I kept telling her the same thing:

THEY PROBABLY WON’T NOTICE!  TRY IT!

We talked later in the day and guess what?

She did it!

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I was most excited to hear she had actually done the challenge and the best yet – they LAUGHED.  Shut the door!  Good god, people laughed!  The horror and yet they SURVIVED!

So worth the giggles.

We all get so wrapped in being so serious and working.   Lighten the load and take a breath once in a while people.  It’s good for you.

Just like wearing your favorite pair of panties.  You know the pair.  I bet you have several pairs.  I do.  Why be miserable and wear a pair that going to be pinching or chafing you all day long?  It’s not worth it.  Wear the pair that makes you happy.

Like I want to spend 1/3 of my day adjusting my ass?  Panties riding up my butt.  Have to adjust.   Now they’re creeping to the side.   I don’t have the patience or the time for this.  Why be miserable?  And these people, men and women, who think they are casually picking their roos out of their ass – aren’t fooling anyone!

SURPRISE!  I SEE YOU!

It’s like the people who come into each day being miserable.  It’s not worth it.  You create your day from the moment you open your eyes.  Are you wearing grandma panties or a thong?  Be happy, be comfortable – go with what moves you.  Why be miserable all the time?  It’s not worth the aggregation.  Trust me.  It doesn’t do you any good and nobody around you enjoys your negativity either.

Oh wait, let me guess, you’re wearing your underware backwards?  That would explain a lot actually.

Maybe you prefer the granny panties – fine.  Then get rid of those fucking thongs cause you’re attitude sucks when you wear them.

If boy shorts are your thing – excellent.

Boxer or brief – yahoo.

Free balling – that’s fantastic!

However, if you are the kind of person who rips the elastic out of their panties and you know who you are – that isn’t cool.  You have an issue.  We need to get you in touch with some special therapist and get you turned around.

Garter belts with stockings – yes.

Suspenders with panties – no.

NOTE:  Unless you’re PeeWee Herman and have some type of weird fetish happenings then we could discuss with Boy George in Group Sessions.

Go with the flow.  Enjoy the laughter.  Relax a bit and know it’s okay to share a grin or two.  Life is too short to be mean and miserable like the Grinch.  Besides, it’s not good for wrinkles….and nobody wants wrinkles.  Unless you’re a Shar Pei dog….they want wrinkles.

For example….my kinder half is gone starting tomorrow for a week.  Some people would be annoyed and upset.  Not me – I get the entire bed to myself!  I get to eat whatever I want!  Maybe I will go to the movies! AND I may choose to spend all day Saturday on the beach!  Perhaps I will adopt a pygmy goat!  The possibilities are endless.

The point is…..laugh.  Laugh a lot.  Even when it’s not the “right time” to laugh – do it any ways.  There’s a lot of worse things you can do in this life….seriously!  Laughing during inopportune moments truly isn’t one of them.  Take the risk.  Roll the dice.  LAUGH.

Be silly.

Choose to be happy – like your panties!

That’s Either A Thong Showing Through Your Gym Shorts Or…

Your husband’s tie got stuck inside your gym shorts – thanks to static electricity. Or is that your child’s sock hanging out your backside?

First of all, I know the fashion trend segment on the Today Show said winter whites are the style to have this season. I think they were talking about pants and skirts. Not gym shorts. If they were talking about shorts, I’m willing to bet they were talking about a nice gabardine wool blend that would look darling when pieced together with a sweater for a trip to the local museum. NOT, thin, barely there, single ply cotton gym shorts from the ’80s. I’m sorry, but your shorts have the weight of a handkerchief.

Apparently this not-so-young-lady was confused and thought my gym was the newest Hooter’s location. As I passed by her – she was on the stairclimber closest to the aisle way. Slowly bouncing along, with her butt cheeks peeking out to jiggle a “hello” to everyone who passed her. Really? I stopped short and looked around. Did I accidentally end up in a gym for men, where the encouragement is nearly naked women on cardio machines? I hate when I trip down that damn rabbit hole.

To top things off, she’s on her cell phone. On the stairclimber. Okay, if you’re a doctor, which there are a few at my gym – I understand the need to keep your phone close. I fully support the doctors taking phone calls and recommending an increase in medications or having to dash to the hospital for a patient. I would expect them to take phone calls – that’s their job, to be available! However, to trudge along on the cardio equipment and pant out a conversation, at the top of your lungs because nobody talks quietly on cell phones, what skirt you’re going to wear to dinner and your conflict on which nail polish shade to choose – is stupid. And annoying.

As I begin my cool down and stretching routine, I look up in the mirror and notice, with a horror that turns the water in my stomach like a washing machine on an extended spin cycle….she’s wearing a blue thong.

“&^%$ are you kidding me?”… I mutter as I fall out of balance in my quadricep stretch and nearly crack my head open on the handlebar of the stationary bike next to me. Enough. I’m done. Put that away. I don’t want to see that now or anytime later.

Recently, my gym put up signs (yes, multiple) in the ladies locker room that proper gym attire means wearing a full shirt. Walking around the gym floor in a sports bra does not constitute a full shirt. When I got back to the locker room I added, “no see through shorts permitted due to potential blinding of other gym members.”

I’d also like to put a sign up in the mens locker room that advises them if they have enough body hair to appear like a relative of Sasquatch, tank tops are not permitted….a full shirt is required. Glistening, sweaty, body hair is about as appealing as having to drink a glass of buttermilk.

I just threw up a little.