Tag Archives: sister

Live Life Like Your Favorite Panties.

I’m one of those people – at the worst possible moment I’m going to be the one that can’t help herself and will burst out laughing.   It won’t be one of those dainty Miss Manner’s kind of laugh either.  We’re talking full on cackle call, tear fueling and breath gasping type of laughter that leads to getting your self into trouble with the nearest authority figure.

I was always in trouble in school for talking….laughing.  Detentions and study halls.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.


The worse time, was always church for me.  I grew up Catholic.  I know.  Say no more.  The whole seriousness of the visit got me.  Perhaps it was the lecture we got before even going into the church got me going.  Yes, see I went to a Catholic school, so by default we had regular church services.  Before we even left the classroom and right before we entered the church we’d get the same lecture by the Sister.

“DO NOT embarrass me!”

Anyone that says to me, “DO NOT __________”  Well, that’s not so much an ultimatum as it is a challenge in my book.  I get it and I respect it but my goodness.





Lighten up a bit.  Something would just catch in my crawl and next thing I know I wouldn’t be able to contain myself.  I’d have myself and those either unlucky or lucky enough around me in fits.

No.  My mouth is NOT big enough to stuff my fist inside.  I’ve tried on numerous occasions to stifle the giggles.  Oy.  Once I start I can’t stop.  It’s terrible.

So today when a friend called me and mentioned about a meeting she had to go through at work I suggested she wear these goofy eye glasses I bought her for Christmas.  Everyone needs a lighter moment or two in life.  She thought I was nuts.  I kept telling her the same thing:


We talked later in the day and guess what?

She did it!


I was most excited to hear she had actually done the challenge and the best yet – they LAUGHED.  Shut the door!  Good god, people laughed!  The horror and yet they SURVIVED!

So worth the giggles.

We all get so wrapped in being so serious and working.   Lighten the load and take a breath once in a while people.  It’s good for you.

Just like wearing your favorite pair of panties.  You know the pair.  I bet you have several pairs.  I do.  Why be miserable and wear a pair that going to be pinching or chafing you all day long?  It’s not worth it.  Wear the pair that makes you happy.

Like I want to spend 1/3 of my day adjusting my ass?  Panties riding up my butt.  Have to adjust.   Now they’re creeping to the side.   I don’t have the patience or the time for this.  Why be miserable?  And these people, men and women, who think they are casually picking their roos out of their ass – aren’t fooling anyone!


It’s like the people who come into each day being miserable.  It’s not worth it.  You create your day from the moment you open your eyes.  Are you wearing grandma panties or a thong?  Be happy, be comfortable – go with what moves you.  Why be miserable all the time?  It’s not worth the aggregation.  Trust me.  It doesn’t do you any good and nobody around you enjoys your negativity either.

Oh wait, let me guess, you’re wearing your underware backwards?  That would explain a lot actually.

Maybe you prefer the granny panties – fine.  Then get rid of those fucking thongs cause you’re attitude sucks when you wear them.

If boy shorts are your thing – excellent.

Boxer or brief – yahoo.

Free balling – that’s fantastic!

However, if you are the kind of person who rips the elastic out of their panties and you know who you are – that isn’t cool.  You have an issue.  We need to get you in touch with some special therapist and get you turned around.

Garter belts with stockings – yes.

Suspenders with panties – no.

NOTE:  Unless you’re PeeWee Herman and have some type of weird fetish happenings then we could discuss with Boy George in Group Sessions.

Go with the flow.  Enjoy the laughter.  Relax a bit and know it’s okay to share a grin or two.  Life is too short to be mean and miserable like the Grinch.  Besides, it’s not good for wrinkles….and nobody wants wrinkles.  Unless you’re a Shar Pei dog….they want wrinkles.

For example….my kinder half is gone starting tomorrow for a week.  Some people would be annoyed and upset.  Not me – I get the entire bed to myself!  I get to eat whatever I want!  Maybe I will go to the movies! AND I may choose to spend all day Saturday on the beach!  Perhaps I will adopt a pygmy goat!  The possibilities are endless.

The point is…..laugh.  Laugh a lot.  Even when it’s not the “right time” to laugh – do it any ways.  There’s a lot of worse things you can do in this life….seriously!  Laughing during inopportune moments truly isn’t one of them.  Take the risk.  Roll the dice.  LAUGH.

Be silly.

Choose to be happy – like your panties!

Am I Speaking Pig-Latin?

I know what I’m saying.
I can understand it completely.
It makes sense to me.
Why don’t other people understanding what I’m saying?
At times like these I often think….obviously:

“Hell, I hate when I speak in tongues. What language am I speaking this time?”

Apparently you people aren’t getting it! I’m beating my head against the damn rock again. To be honest….it’s too early for this crap.

When someone tells you something, why do some people fail miserably and believe, “she didn’t mean me to follow that request!” The horror at having to wait for further instruction. You know what? Sit you little tushy down and wait for it. I’ll give you more information when I’m ready to.

I was being polite, providing a little heads up so people could start thinking about “project X” coming down the pike. Thankfully, about 10% reply with a “fantastic, let me know how we can help.” Another 88% provide no confirmation, notta, nothing….so you have to assume your carrier pigeon arrived with the news and they opened it. Lastly, the remaining 2% are the ones that want more.


Since I have bat-like hearing, I hear the screams from around the region. Like the shrieking heard all over amusement parks as people go over the first big drop on the roller coasters….this 2% storm around the countryside demanding to know MORE!

Well, when the time comes and it’s your turn to know, I will tell you more. Until that time arrives…sit down. Shut up. And don’t bug me.

Honestly, ever year at this time I could tell you which people are going to want more. I can tell you without a wavering doubt which individuals will start harassing me about the “big picture.” It exhausts me just thinking about it. I mean really, why do some people think they’re exempt?

It’s like riding in the backseat of Volkswagen Beatle, on a cross country trip. You don’t get fourteen miles down the road and your brother starts poking your arm.


Your Dad now threatens to pull the car over and leave your brother on the side of the road…out in the desert. You're thinking this would be a great idea and ask God to send the aliens to pick his ass up. Your Mother thinks that's not a good idea and sadly for you, the torturous road trip continues.

Just as you fall asleep, your brother sticks his wet finger in your ear. THAT'S IT! You leap up out of your seat like a Jack-in-the-Box and start to pummel him.

(your parents can't get the car pulled over fast enough)

I (smack)
TOLD (smack)
YOU (smack)
TO (smack)
STOP (smack)
IT (smack)
AND (smack)
YOU (smack)
KEEP (smack)
BUGGING (smack)
ME (smack)

By the time your parents are able to pry you off your brother, you've given him a bloody nose and cracked ribs. Good on ya!

If I could teach my carrier pigeon to bitch slap some of these people, just for good measure, that would be priceless. Just the ones that have a check mark next to their name. Cause I already know they're going to annoy the shit out of me about this stuff.