Tag Archives: holiday travel

Sorry, I Have No Clue What You Just Said.

We are in the Mayan Riviera, my cousin and I. We get through Customs and into our waiting resort van and it hits me. I have no clue what these people are saying.

Great, here we go again.

Not that I expected to somehow understand Spanish overnight, however I was hopeful that if they spoke English I might be able to catch every other word. Honestly, I´m lucky if I catch every 14th word, which can lead to slightly awkward situations.

At lunch today my cousin had to use the bathroom. She never has to use the bathroom. I swear her bladder is the size of one of those giant water towers you see in rural towns. She just rarely pees. I don´t know how she does it. The weatherman just mentions rain and I have to pee. Strange.

So she left me at lunch to pee and a flare gun must have gone off over my head as waiters were coming at me left and right. Yes, I am fully aware now that if the waiter says, “a humma na na humm na ha ha.” He could be asking if I want toothpaste on my pasta but all I heard was “a humma na na humm na ha ha” so I nod and smile. then, as my short history has it here today, the waiter trys again and says, “Where are you from?” Ohhhh, got it….Alaska. Thanks. And insert the nod and smile…..

I swear, this trip is supposed to be relaxing and I am already breaking a sweat on my upper lip. To add to my pressure of the wait staff, everyone here greets everyone as you walk past. My cousin yells out “hola….hola…..hola…..hola….!” Really? I am barely managing to hang on and yell out a “hola” instead of a “hoola!” This time tomorrow I may throw out the “hello, how are you in Spanish” then keep my fingers crossed that conversation stops there. I would type out how you say it but, I can´t spell it.

No, the World Revolves Around You!

I’m not entirely certain which flight leg it occurred on, as the final two days of my latest traveling have become a blur. On the plane, off the plane, on the plane, off the plane….wait on plane for over an hour….take off….land…switch planes….overnight…back on the plane….off the plane… Oy.

Anyhow, being the aisle sitter I am, I enjoy watching the people around me as they settle into their row in my “airborhood.” Often I’m wondering, why is it the guy behind the girl struggling with putting her carry-on into the overhead, does not help her? Idiot. Or really, buddy, you’re going to receive a karate chop on that dorsal fin if you turn around to talk to your wife one more time. Honestly.

However this time, if I had an award to give out, this couple would have received it. “Excuse me, I’d like to give you this Bedazzled suitcase wheel in appreciation of how much of a boob you are being right now.”

Sitting comfortably in my aisle seat….a couple in their late 20’s, early 30’s, Mr. and Mrs. Smith come down the aisle. Both have wheeled bags. She has one of those enormous purses that look like a suitcase it’s so big. I’d love to know, what do women carry in those 15 pound handbags? Small children? Pet orangutan? The contents of your refrigerator? A mini bar complete with full size martini shaker? Geez-its!

He is carrying one navy blue suit jacket, on a hanger, covered with plastic wrap.

She climbs into the middle seat and he hoists their two suitcases into the overhead directly above their seat. He puts one suitcase on the left side of the compartment – lengthwise, with wheels to the center and the other suitcase on the right side – lengthwise, with wheels to the center of the compartment. His suit jacket, he lays down between the two wheely bags – claiming the entire overhead space as “THEIRS.”

I silently think to myself, as opposed to yelling out to him: “Wow, you really think nobody else is going to sit in this area and require space for THEIR suitcase in the overhead? Either you don’t travel much or you’re a self-absorbed jackass.” I get giddy in my seat as I can’t wait to see what happens next!

Mr. and Mrs. Smith sit down and if I may just make a tiny note here – for your visual – they’re not petite people.

A flight attendant comes by and notices their bags. She turns them to the proper position, wheels out. This attendant, also notices Mr. Smith’s jacket laying between the two suitcases and pulls it down. By now, I’m on the edge of my seat…..wishing I had popcorn and wondering it it would be rude to snap a picture with my Blackberry?! And then it happens. Mr. and Mrs. Smith both say in unison, “This is how we always travel and it’s never been a problem before.”

With a calm, jaw grinding smile, the flight attendant hands the suit jacket to Mr. Smith and tells him to hang on to it as they’re not finished with boarding, it’s a full flight and their seatmate may need that space.

I quickly did the happy dance, tapping my toes on the floor. Na, na, na, na, naaaa! Take that, Mr. “We always travel like this.”

Within minutes, as if cued by the airplane fairy, a young woman approaches our area and stops at Mr. and Mrs. Smith’s row. Luckily, she’s the window seat, so she’ll be able to hug the wall the entire length of our flight. She also has a wheely bag! Score! With ease, she pops her bag in the overhead — neatly between Mr. and Mrs. Smith’s bags and climbs into her pocket seat.

Mr. Smith grumbles a bit and continues to hold his beloved jacket. He sits down, still holding it as he is quite annoyed. The flight attendant comes by and with a gracious smile – offers to “take care of that jacket” for Mr. Smith. And with a flourish of the hand grabs the jacket and puts it into the overhead compartment….on top of all the other luggage.

PAH! HA! HA! HA! No front closet for you buddy! I smelled sweet victory for airline travelers everywhere and it comes in the scent of musty polyester blend suit fabric!