I get it.
The dryer eats socks.
The refrigerator eats cat toys.
The couch eats change.
The bottom desk drawer eats crap I decided at some point was necessary for my life at work.
What I don’t get are the things you see on the side of the road. Or better yet, along the sidewalk.
Forever lost to someone.
I’m not talking about wads of gum or cigarette butts. Nor am I talking about toothpicks, or more specifically those weird harp on a stick looking ones. Actually, they might be a little tiny guitar for a gnome. I didn’t think anyone actually used those. Boy, am I surprised!
Side note: I would also like to make mention, over the last two weeks, there has been an ungodly increase in the number of bandaids along my walking route to work. It doesn’t matter if I’m coming from my beloved ferry or the newly discovered train route. There are bandaids EVERYWHERE. All stuck to the sidewalk (as opposed to the lamp-posts).
They’re rubber slugs that have given up and collapsed.
Between Congress and Seaport.
Small ones, regular ones, circular ones and some that are large enough my cat could wear it as a bonnet. My lizards could use it as a hammock.
Johnson & Johnson must have seen an uptick in their bandaid sales in Boston.
What’s with the bandaids? There’s a hell of a lot of bloody blistered feet in town.
And don’t be telling me it’s from the Boston Marathon. That was April 20th and we’re now in June. (insert buzzer sound here)
But, if you were to look at some of the footwear….it makes sense. I was behind a girl today who was not so elegantly hobbling on 4 inch wedges. She had a swagger like Captain Jack Sparrow.
He, by the way, is adorable. Swagger…..Me Now….Meow.
She, swaggering like a squirrel, who just painted their toenails with silver glitter polish and can’t stop admiring them enough to take a step….not so adorable.
FOCUS! Christ, it’s exhausting to watch!
I’m just saying.
If you can’t walk in the shoes, don’t buy them. They make you look like you have no sense of balance and you’re trying to walk a tight rope with giant marshmallows strapped to your feet. You have no clue where your next step is going to land and you’re all over the sidewalk.
But, I digress.
Thank you for your patience.
What I can’t figure out is all the random shit left behind.
The other day. Route 3. A giant stuffed tiger was on the side of the road. I’m talking a kids toy, not a treasure hunter’s dream from Asia. It’s literally miles between exits. How did it end up out there? Then, of course, my mind begins to wander. Was some small child crying they lost their tiger?
I was sad.
Sad for the kid.
Sad for the tiger.
Will this tiger end up on the front of some trash truck? You know what I’m talking about. Will he be happy? I did once see mannequin heads on the side of a trash truck. I didn’t have a chance to snap a photo but damn…that was creepy yet surprising awesome.
Obviously, I’ve watched Toy Story too many times.
Walking you see all kinds of random things. Random enough that I have thought to myself, more times than I’d like to admit….”If I was homeless, this would be a score.”
I’ve seen baby bottles, blankets, shirts, socks, fleece pull overs and tarps. The tarp would be a score as would the fleece pull over.
But then there are the things I see where I scratch my head and just have to say….WTF?
I’ve seen shoes along the highway. The only thing I can think is someone gets pissed and throws the other person’s shoe out the window when they’re sleeping. Ha. Ha. Ha. So funny. Fucker. Wait till you go to sleep and I’m going to take a permanent marker to your face. Then we’ll see whose laughing.
I’ve seen a right sneaker and then a mile down the road the matching left sneaker. Okay, they obviously left them on the roof of the car and drove off.
Then there are the random flip-flops. Alright. Well, not a huge loss. It’s a flip and a flop. Meh.
But a brand new left foot loafer? You’re going to miss that. Especially if you are currently wearing the right one. Walking down the side walk. With a limp. Duh. Where’s my shoe?
What the hell is going on here? Aliens. Blame the aliens. Always blame the aliens.
The shoe didn’t even have time to get it’s white parts dirty! It makes no sense. Of course, I took a snap!
The other thing that baffles me are the people who move and randomly leave their belongings along the roadside. Are they leaving breadcrumbs to find their way back? If you don’t want to move, don’t. Shouldn’t be a newsflash.
I feel, one of two things could be happening with these cushions….
1. The owner of the couch wants a new couch. Easiest way to get a new couch. Loose a cushion.
2. It was an accident. In which case, sitting on a bunch of duct taped phone books is going to be unfortunate.
Are you kidding me?
Who looses their PILLOW?
This isn’t a fluffy, throw on the bed as decoration type of pillow vis a vis Marilyn Monroe. This isn’t a porn star’s, I need some lift and support, type of pillow. This is a regular, put your head down and go to sleep type of pillow.
First off, what are you doing with a pillow in the grocery parking lot?
Secondly, why is it in the shopping cart return?
Then I think…..ohhhhh, if I was homeless, that would be a score! (what is wrong with me?)
And next, I snap a picture.