One Holiday at a Time

There’s a man down the street who all summer worked on revitalizing his yard.  His home sits on the corner and he drudged out the land down nearly to the magma core.  Next came several types of soil, followed by apparently several types of grass seed.  I say  several types of grass seed because the grass came up in different shades.  He should have mixed the seeds together and then spread them.  Throwing a handful here and there made his yard look like a patchwork quilt done by a blind person.

Dark green here.

Light green over there.

Clump of dark green here.

Patch of light green over there.

He put in a lovely brick walkway from the driveway to the front door and two beautiful lamp posts highlighting the path.

All of this property enhancement, seemingly serves one purpose: to showcase his Christmas light display.  It started off innocently enough with a few strands around the front door.  Low and behold by this evening there are so many colors and random twinkling going on someone is bound to have a seizure.

Really?  What the hell?  It’s not even Thanksgiving!  Up go the outside lights, two story tall inflatable Santa displays and armies of plastic figures.  Not to mention the houses I’ve seen with the Christmas trees proudly displayed in the front window.

Side note:  Actually, a neighbor of ours, kept their Christmas tree up until EASTER last year.   They could have started a fire, that tree was so old.  I’d would have been afraid to sneeze in their living room for fear all 120,000 needles would have dropped to the floor.

Blame the retailers.  They can’t wait to get into the next sale season.  What ever happened to enjoying the holidays as they arrive on the calendar?  I can’t take two months of ANY holiday celebration.  I’ve packed up my toys and gone home long before the true festivities even begin.

And really, spreading out the holiday season only causes one thing to linger in our minds:  the true dread of the family meal.  It’s like ripping off a band-aid.  Let’s get this over with and fast.  How many people do you know that truly, down deep in the pit of their little toe, enjoy the family gathering?  Let’s be honest.  Anyone who doesn’t have some type of mild heart burn is probably nipping on something.

Of course I’m right.

It starts the second week of November.  They can’t even wait for Thanksgiving week.  Retailers have put up Christmas trees in their entrances and colored our world in shades of green and red, furry white cuffs, jingle bells, flashing lights and holiday cheer.

Not to mention, the Thanksgiving turkey is pissed off.  He doesn’t even get a chance to make it to the table before everyone is celebrating the big, fat, jolly guy.  How embarrassing to stand up at the holiday mascot support group and acknowledge your holiday has been cut short so people can celebrate some old guy who works with midgets in the northern tundra making toys.  Not to mention, insists he travels via flying reindeer… which has a glowing nose for a GPS.


And when was the last time anyone did a random drug screening on Santa?

I’m just curious.


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