Leave a Message, Not a Book.

You’re killing me.  The voice mail says, “leave a message” it doesn’t say anything about leaving your life story on the voice mail.

One of my biggest peeves in life is when people repeat and repeat and repeat their story – as if I’m not understanding what they’re saying.  Or they think I’m not listening.

Yes, I know.  You told me two minutes ago you found a great parking spot out in front of the restaraunt.  Yes, I really did hear you say you’re parked right out front.  O.M.G. if you tell me one more time about your car and the great parking spot I’m going to pretend to use the restroom and not come back!

Why do people have to repeat themselves?  I don’t know if it’s because they don’t have anything to say or they can’t make up their minds what to say or they need approval or what it is.  It drives me nuts.

There are times when you do need to repeat what you’re saying.  For example, when putting in a new garbage disposal and you’re reading the directions…..what did that just say?  Read that one again?   Put the what on the what?

Or for me, if someone has a heavy accent, a lot of times I hear nothing but:

Blah, blah, blah – chicken.  Blah, blah, blah – dinosaur.  Blah, blah, blah – movie.

Bless their hearts, they will have to repeat themselves.  Actually, I should come with a disclaimer note on my forehead:  “My ears are’t tuned in to heavy accents, please be advised you will have to repeat yourself.”  What makes this worse is if they’re a mumbler.

Recently, at work, I had someone trying to tell me something.  Apparently, from their facial expressions, I could tell it was something important.  Unfortunately, all I got was…..”_________.”  Nothing.  Five times I had to say, “Sorry?”  Between the accent and the mumbling I was clueless.  Not to mention I hadn’t had my cup of coffee yet.  Yes, I eventually did get what they were trying to tell me and I stopped the presses.

Next time take the marbles out of your mouth.  Besides, don’t you know, you’re likely to chip a tooth on those things.

Yesterday I received a phone message that went on for so long they were cut off.  It’s a good thing we’re not regulated to how many words we can use in a day.  If we were, this guy would have been over his daily limit!  What part of, “leave your name, phone number and a brief message” do you not understand?  It’s not rocket science.  Shoot, selling Girl Scout cookies is harder!

What could have been wrapped up in a 15 second message took nearly 2 minutes.  He kept saying the same thing over and over and over and over – like I didn’t understand what he said the first time.  First off, I’m a professional and understand what you’re asking.  Secondly, I have yet to be featured on the show, “An Idiot Aboard.”

O.M.G.

An fictional example of the message yesterday:

“Hello.  This is Cookie Monster.  Last year I ordered 12 chocolate chip cookies from you and would like to do the same for this year.  I would like them on Friday, June 1st.  I know you you switched to sugar cookies for this year, but I really enjoyed the chocolate chip cookies.  Do you think it is possible to get 12 sugar cookies on Friday, June 1st?  I would need them delievered to my office.  You delievered them last year to my office and it would be nice if you could deliver them again this year.  I really enjoyed the chocolate chip cookies, but realize they are unavailable for this year.  If you could deliver 12 sugar cookies this year, that would be great.  I like to hand them out to my co-workers.   We all get together in the lounge at 3:00 every day to enjoy our snacks and having sugar cookies to pass around would be great.  Some people like to have milk with their cookies.  Other people prefer coffee and there are a few in our group that like whiskey and cookies.  I don’t know how they can do that.  Really, you should have a nice port with a good cookie.  The whiskey has too much bite for me.  Any how, back to the point, do you think you could deliver 12 sugar cookies to my office?  I would need them on June 1st.  I want to give them to my co-workers.  My number is 123-4567.  If you could call me that would be great.  I’d really like to order 12 sugar cookies to be delivered to my office on June 1st.  Thanks.”

Really – could you just get to the point?  Could you just put the phone number at the top of the chapter so I can move on to the next message?  Delete.  Fast forward.  I’m growing old just listening to your message.

Get.

To.

The.

Point!

What is it you think I won’t understand about your message?   Wait, did you say you wanted sugar cookies?  Oh, I thought you said you wanted peppermints.  I’m sorry, can you repeat your request?

UGH!  I have one nerve left and you are tap dancing on it.

Zip.

Zero.

Notta!

Killing me.  You’re killing me.

Forget water boarding torture.  Listening to your message is torture enough!

The other thing about voice mail is checking to see when the call arrived.  From this day forward, my office phone will politetly advise people that ….  FYI…Alaska is in a different time zone.  Just because you’re awake and on your third cup of java, doesn’t mean the rest of the country is there with you.  Forget Good Morning America, we’re still watching David Letterman at this hour.  Seriously.

Apparently, there are people in this country that think we’re all in the same time zone.  There’s always a few messages each summer from people requesting information and they’re annoyed I’m not in the office when they call.

News flash:  When you’re calling me from the east coast at 8:30AM your time…guess what time it is in Alaska?  4:30AM.  I’m not in the office at that hour.   I guarentee you, I’m still in bed.  Do yourself a favor and take a look at the time difference before you get crabby on the voicemail.

Leaving a message at 4:30AM my time saying, “I’ll try you back in a few minutes”  only to call back at 5:05AM my time and get annoyed nobody picked up the phone – is not beneficial to you.  You’re shortening your life span by being annoyed with me for sleeping.  Yes.  Sleeping.  Me.  I’m still sleeping.  Why?  It’s 4:30AM!.  If you simply looked at the time difference, you’d realize – DUH – of course nobody is going to be in the office at that time.

It may be daylight  in Alaska at 4:30AM during the summer, but I can gaurentee you we’re not in the office.  Seriously folks – think before you react.

Voice mail is dangerous.  Either you get the concept of leaving a quick message, so your call can be returned.  Or you don’t.  And those who really don’t pay ANY attention end up leaving me messages that sound a lot like:

Hello?  Hello?  Is anyone there?  Hello?

Yeah, you got the voice mail again – listen to the recording.  Of course, I forgot, your attention span is all of that of a field mouse in a puddle full of green grass and ripe honey suckle flowers.  LOOK! Yummy things!  Not cheese!  Must divert attention.

I’m sorry.  Hello?  Is anyone there?

Hello?

Hello?

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