Middle of the night.
Two dogs snoring.
One man snoring.
One cat happily sleeping curled up in my left arm.
This is my life.
Then it dawns on me. I have to pee. It’s not a normal pee. It’s a pain inflicting, right side of the abdomen, got to go….kind of pee.
I consider my situation. Favorite small, old cat in my left arm….happily snoozing. Our 60 pound dog snoring loudly on my left side, draped over my knees to my right side. Better half, snoring in a deep slumber on my right side.
Crap. I’m like a human sandwich. There’s no escape from this without disturbing someone. Then it hits me.
My CALVES are sweating.
She’s too hot and way too heavy to be sleeping across my calves.
I continue to ponder the situation.
The sleeping cat is my favorite, so I’d prefer not to wake her. But the dog is mostly on her side. The better half is on my right side – also very close. Hate to wake him up….he’s sleeping so nicely. Minus the snoring.
Maybe I could try to go back to sleep.
My jaw is clenched. Concentrating on the sleep factor…..
Then I notice again – my calves have sweat dripping off them. From the dog.
I gently try to remove myself from the covers and bed. Nobody seems to upset. It’s like riding the waves of the ocean. Sweet.
Into the master bathroom I go.
I return to the bed. Look at the animals sleeping so peacefully and the human who is now on their backs, with arms stretched overhead….and it hits me.
Great. I got out. How do I get back in?
I ponder the guest room for a moment. That will take too much effort. Take my pillows, alarm clock, water glass, step stool for the older cat to get into bed. Too much work. In the end I climbed gingerly into the king size bed and try to pull down the cocoon like covers and nestle myself inside.
Of course, although it’s a king size bed, my share is like a twin bed.
I get the covers pulled down, wiggle myself between the sheets. Cuddle the favorite cat. Place legs under the 60 pound dog and call it good.
Ahhhhhh…peaceful sleep coming my way. What bliss.
Are you kidding me? My pajama pants are strangling me. Twisted around my legs and waist. I feel like I’m drowning in quick sand.
FOR THE LOVE OF PETE!
Honestly….just a night’s sleep is all I want.
I ponder the situation. Again. Nope, have to move the pajamas around. This is going to drive me crazy. If I was Jack the Bean Stalk that would be one conclusion….however I’m not and my pants are creeping up towards my waist line in a speed only known to Superman.
I throw myself on my back and grab the legs of my pajamas…..pulling them from around my leg. The outcome, although disappointing…requires all pets to vacate the area. Better half rolls over and snores towards the windows. It’s both a blessing and a curse, as I lay there waiting for sleep to come.