Here’s An Idea

Have you ever been driving down the highway, yes Juneau does have a four lane highway – thank you. Our highway is two lanes in each direction. No, we’re not living in igloos. And yes, the highway goes for ten whole miles! Amazing isn’t it?

Well here’s the deal. When you’re driving down the highway and someone is either:

– riding the ass of your car so close you wish they’d pull your hair
– driving so slow in front of you – you think you may have get out and push them

Here’s an idea for those idiot drivers:….GET OFF THE CELL PHONE.

I’m at work early this morning and downtown Juneau, yes incredibly we do have a downtown, was still fast asleep at 6:30AM. As I pull into a curbside parking spot, an SUV comes out of the street to the left, it’s a perpendicular intersection. (Note: for those of you who don’t know what that means, think of the letter “T”) The driver of the SUV is on my ass so fast I can barely whip my little car “Norman” into his parking spot.

The reason the SUV is on my ass would be:

A. The driver made an enormously wide turn.
B. She’s on the damn cell phone.

Here’s an idea: HANG UP AND DRIVE!

OMG! The cell phone is a blessing and a curse. I curse it more than bless it. It also makes a nice paperweight. What on earth did people do before they had cell phones? I mean can you not go 15 minutes without having to have the noise of either talking or being talked at? Your head is filled with the constant din of reckless and familiar noises. Give it a break!

Every day is filled with incessant, unrelenting, disturbing NOISE.

Walkers who stomp.
Dogs barking.
Babies crying.
Shopping carts with bad wheels.
The whoosh of the bank tube.
Mindless chatter of sales clerks.
People upstairs thumping around.
Overhead announcements.
Mindless thumping of rocks against heads.

When you have the option to turn some of that off – why don’t you? When you really should be concentrating on not killing yourself or being a danger to others, here’s an idea


If it’s so important put your ass on the shoulder of the road or park the car in a lot to make that all life changing call. Don’t change my life for the worse because you need to find out what time the boys are going bowling or you need to see if you can borrow Karen’s pink skirt.

My life is more important than that so here’s an idea:


If you can’t drive without noise, then turn the radio on and keep it to yourself. You think you can multi-task but I’m here to tell you – you can’t. You’re all over the road. You’re up my ass. You’re driving along like a snail. You don’t notice the light has changed or that I’m backing up out of my parking spot. You have tunnel vision and are like a horse with blinders on. Don’t kid yourself – you’re not smart enough to drive, talk on the cell phone AND chew gum.

Here’s an idea……HANG UP AND DRIVE!

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