Could I Get Any More Annoyed?

It’s always one thing after another.
It doesn’t matter what it is….it’s always something.
Do you have those kinds of days?
Where it’s gone way beyond the, “Are you kidding me? Give me a break!” stage to the “For Fuck’s Sake!” Death Con 4 stage.

I’m having a day like that today.

Hard to tell if it’s anger or annoyance. Or both. It’s no one thing – it’s everything!

Yes, I did take my happy pills this morning and contemplated doubling the dosage. Thank goodness for Mr. Happy Camper. Although being happy does not mean I want to go camping. Thank you. Camping would not make me happy today, it would be another thing to annoy the hell out of me.

It started with a 4:00AM wake up.
Coughing.
Blowing crap out my nose.
Coughing.
Sneezing crap out my nose.
Praying the dog doesn’t hear me because sure as hell she’ll want to go out. I’m not getting out of the bed at 4:00AM.

Better half was up at 4:30AM – his own choice, as he had to take the dog out before work. No, we’re not the kind that let’s our dog out the front door and expects her to understand to look both ways before crossing the street. We actually walk her. On a leash. Daily. Four times.

I can attest to people who think their dogs are smart enough to get out of the way of vehicles – they’re not! My 35 foot bus will kill your dog. I’ve been there, personally. Your dog isn’t a human and doesn’t understand. Of course, some humans aren’t smart enough to look both ways before crossing either. Come to Juneau, Alaska in the summer and the tourists think they’re in a Disney World resort town. Step off the sidewalks. Aimlessly wander the streets. Hello? Yes, we are in fact, a functioning city. Actually…we are the capital city of Alaska – now get back on the sidewalk you nutter.

After I flush out my nasal cavities – as a good friend of my swears by…which by the way I think the same thing every morning:

Nostril one: Really? This works? I’m having doubts.
Nostril two: I’m on day seven of this damn cold and can’t shake the snot.

Onwards and upwards, while today is an official day off for me…I do check emails as it’s a Wednesday and in reality, a work day for others. Provided they aren’t updating Facebook or watching the latest download on iTunes.

Yesterday evening, at 5:05PM exactly, I put a disclaimer on my email that I would be out of my office today. Which is good as there are multiple messages where after reading them, I search for the large rock I like to beat my head against. Don’t ask what the emails were about, let’s just say I now have a bloody mass on the right side of my forehead.

Must.
Keep.
Hitting.
Head.
Rock.

Emails….they’re an addiction. Would you rather bring your device to check emails on a deserted island – if that was all you could use your device for OR bring a fully stocked 40 foot trailer worth of food? I’d wager most would prefer to have email access. You never get alone time anymore. We’re all tethered to the universe.

Well today, I’m saying, “screw the universe.”

Although, I will admit I sent one email this morning. A rant to my boss about a charter. In the end I thanked him for listening and told him not to worry, I’ve got it covered. We’ve worked together over 11 years. No, he hasn’t responded. Our relationship is like a marriage but different.

Annoyance level is at about 40%.

Apparently the e-collar we borrowed for the dog is no longer working. I had to apologize to our fat cat, Liggy. She’s on her own. Defend yourself as the zapper is out of zap. Mrs. Pickles, the dog, would love Liggy to play with her. Liggy, the 18 pound cat, while secretly hoping the dog will play with her, continues to growl every time the dog exhales. It’s exhausting. I finally told Liggy, if she didn’t like looking at the dog, to go into the other room. Instead, Liggy lays down next to the dog bed. Game on!

So after the rock thumping email reading and cat chasing drama. I proceeded to wash the dog. She’s about 45 pounds now. Well she stunk and needed a bath. I’m bigger than her, so I win, get in the tub. Me, in my pj’s, wrestling the dog into the tub. Twice.

Made me ponder alligator wrestling. There’s a sport I might succeed in actually. Picking up a 45 pound, unhappy, wriggling dog might be similar. Only if I was to wrestle a baby alligator. Without teeth. Or claws.

Accomplished the bath for the dog and then proceeded to prepare myself for the day. By this time I realized the roofers weren’t showing up again today. So my annoyance level was hovering at about 87.9%. I contacted my better half (who is more level headed in all regards than myself) and suggested, since I was already bitchy maybe I should send an email to the roofing company owner. We call that “Going Philly” in our house, since I’m from there. (Which, side note…those of you who look on kindness as a weakness….well that’s stupid) We had an earlier conversation with our neighbor, who we’re attached to, about the lack of work on behalf of the roofer. Our neighbor summed it up perfectly when they didn’t show up on Monday: “fuckers.”

Roofer man replied and said due to the weather and not wanting to get water in our roofs they’ve had some delays. Really? Today it’s 65 and not a cloud in the sky, where the hell are you? Oh, previous commitment. Half the roof is ripped apart, half of it remains with the old shingles. Are you waiting for the second coming of Noah’s Ark before you bust a gut trying to get our roof finished? Seriously, the longer you wait into the summer season in Juneau, the better chance you have of torrential downpours that remind you of those log flume rides at Great Adventure Amusement Parks! Fear not, two hummingbirds just arrived in our back yard, followed by two Labrador retrievers and strangely enough…two squirrels. I’ll get the check list.

Nice sunny day, I decide on my day off, I will take my book outside, with a cup of coffee, slice of cinnamon coffee cake and put the dog on the run. Sitting outside on the deck, on a sunny day is fantastic! Still snow capped Thunder Mountain off to my left and a nice little green belt of forest off to my right, concealing the neighbors. Love it. Mrs. Pickles can chase butterflies and poop in the forest. Perfect.

Upon arriving into the kitchen, I notice Liggy’s food bowl is under the kitchen table. Licked clean. Wrong! Someone got the food bowl down off the counter and ate everything. Since the cats are NOT counter surfers, there was only one culprit. Mrs. Pickles. I scolded her with “NO! BAD DOG!” and picked up the bowl. I turned around to throw something into the garbage and found a huge wad of plastic wrap by the trash can. No, my first assumption was incorrect. Mrs. Pickles did NOT go through the garbage, as the lid was still on. Instead she ate what was left of the cinnamon coffee cake! 3/4 of a loaf.

I was not happy.
Annoyance level was now firmly planted at a 105%.

So annoyed I put myself in a time out and counted to 50.
Still annoyed.
YOU ATE THE ENTIRE FUCKIN COFFEE CAKE!
So annoyed, I couldn’t even look at her as it was beyond, “NO! BAD DOG!”

On our way outside, my cell phone rings. It’s my girlfriend’s daughter. Her mom sold me on some new beauty gadget I had to get from Nordstroms. Today, yes, I will gladly buy that gadget, here’s my credit card number. Her daughter was so upbeat and happy – she turned my annoyance down to about 75% by the time we hung up. Mrs. Pickles and I played fetch for a while in the yard. Growling and running around. I was growling. She was running. Thank you.

Not long after I sat down on the deck….enjoying the sunshine and I will admit a jelly jar glass of wine….my cell phone rings and another friend is on the line. Word travels fast as she’s heard about the cinnamon coffee cake incident already. Oy. Laughter ensues and my annoyance is down to about 40%.

Suddenly, out of the corner of my eye, I see two shapes: a brown and a black, barreling towards our yard. The neighbor’s dogs. These two dogs weigh easily close to 100 pounds. They are big labs. More than twice the size of Mrs. Pickles. All goes well until they start to chase each other. Mrs. Pickles on her line, running in circles trying to get away. Or get caught, hard to tell. The owner comes over to collect his two dogs and all is well.

Until.
One of the labs….hovers over my newly planted shrubs.
And pees.

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